As a way of dealing with it, I would suggest developing a set of “talking points” — your own set of words and phrases to weave into the conversations you have with your daughter about her absent father, so that your word choice is consistent.
If possible, this explanation should include the actual reasoning the absent father used in making his decision not to be involved in her life. For example:
- He was young and he wasn’t ready to be a father.
- We lived far away from one another.
- He needed time to deal with some issues of his own.
Please note that these explanations don’t justify his choice not to be involved. They are simply intended to inform your daughter that the decision was not about her.